Well, it's happened. My identity was stolen.
Not in the computer hacking, credit card stealing kind of way. More in the giving birth, having kids, becoming a mom kind of way. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I was going to be the mom who kept her own identity while raising well-adjusted children whom I encouraged to develop their own identities.
Perhaps the most distressing part of this is that I made the realization while standing in Barnes & Noble last Thursday. To make matters worse, my husband confirmed my frightening discovery. Here's how it went down:
My sister gave me a $25 BN gift card as a graduation gift. After spending an hour or so soaking up my kid-free time in one of my Top 5 favorite places (a bookstore), I headed to the checkout counter. On the way, I glanced down to review my selections.
ME: Is it sad that I'm spending my graduation gift card on books for the girls?
ME: What does that say about me?
HUSBAND: That you no longer have an identity or any interests of your own.
Ow-ie. Brutal. Ow-ie. Brutal.
The conversation reminded me of that Julia Roberts movie, Runaway Bride. In the movie, Richard Gere accuses Julia's character of following the whims and ideas of everyone in her life instead of figuring out what she really enjoys and thinks. My situation is kind of similar ... except I'm not Julia Roberts. But I do worry that I've gone from being an independent, intelligent, opinionated woman to .... someone ... who ... is ... not. And I hate it. And I'm going to fix it. And I might have just found my goal for 2011.
In the short term, to remedy the B&N situation, I marched back to the escalator, glided up to the fiction section, and selected a Steve Martin book that I recently added to my "Books To Read After December 18" spreadsheet. Yes, I said spreadsheet. Wanna make sumthin' of it? Right now there are about 100 books/authors in that Excel file, which I compiled throughout 2010. My plan is to join the Centurions Group on Facebook and read 100 books in 2011. Ah, my first step to recovering/rediscovering/reinventing ME.