Sending Kids to School: Fingers Crossed. Hoping for the Best.

Source: flickr.com

Earlier this week, 21 people were shot and killed at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, TX. Nineteen of them were children between 10 and 11 years old. I've struggled this week, with emotions, fear and anxiety. I scribbled the thoughts below on a piece of notebook paper the day after, watching the ink smear as I sobbed, the first hard cry I've had in months. They are raw, sad, angry rambling thoughts that I needed to get out of my brain and out of my heart as I tried to process what has happened. The "them" referenced are my two 15-year-old daughters. This is the first day I felt I could share my heart here.

And just we're clear, I don't advocate taking anyone's guns away. That sort of talk is just stupid. But I think we can find some common-sense laws that can reduce instances like this. 

Uvalde, TX

Hard to talk to them, to tell them to be vigilant and kind to everyone, hoping that will help them be spared from messed up kids because they were nice. I try to reassure them, but in the same breath, I have to tell them it's a new way of life. It breaks my heart they have to know about it and live with the fear of being killed at school. At the end of the day, the best we can do is cross our fingers, tell them we love them and pray and hope they come home with only the scars of a normal life of a high school girl. 

It was easier to reassure them they were safe when they were younger. Now that they're older, they know just as well as I do that is the luck of the draw. They are sitting ducks. There is nothing they can do if someone wants to shoot up the school except get lucky. You tell them you know it's scary but that we cannot live in fear. 

And our politicians aren't doing anything - won't do anything to protect them because they love their power, their money, their connections and their jobs more than the lives of people who mean nothing to them. They won't even pretend to try to find a solution. At the same time, there are too many people in this country who vote with their gun rights and keep these people in office.

I'm crying at my laptop now. I have to do it when they're not home so they can't see how scared and sad and heartbroken I am.

There is too much pain in this world right now. I can't control it. I can't fix it. I feel so helpless. I haven't cried in forever. Tears pouring and I have a meeting in 24 minutes. 

Sending love, thoughts, hope, prayers, hugs and donations is meaningless. Posting messages on social media that vilify the shooter and shame politicians are worthless, useless.

So, we'll continue living with our fingers crossed, hoping for the best every time we walk out our front door. This is Real Reality

Dear Wanna-Be Book Banners: Bless Your Little Hearts 💖💖

Source: Maxpixel.net

What the hell with the book banning mobs lately? It makes me mad, but it also makes me sad because it means people who take a stand against intellectual freedom have never read a book that touched their heart; opened their mind; gave them a new perspective; or made them feel seen, heard and maybe a little less lonely. Otherwise, they wouldn't try to snatch books out of the hands of everyone else. 

What a small world they must live in. How scared of life they must be. I mean, seriously, fear is a great motivator. What are they so afraid of that they want to ban books? Sad, sad, sad sad sad. I feel sorry for them.

Don't get me wrong. There's plenty of content in this world — printed, digital and otherwise — that I don't think is fit for public consumption. But, I don't believe in banning it. Making sure it's age appropriate? Absolutely? I stand strong in my support of freedom of speech despite how ugly, frightening and complex the topic can be. It's part of America's story. If you don't like something, don't read /watch/listen to it. Guide your kids to do the same, but don't try to restrict my access or my kids' access to it. So simple. 

News Flash: Your Kids Have Access to Banned Books ... and Worse

What I can't figure out is why these fervent book banners don't realize that books are the least of their worries. Kids have access to graphic content, gay content, drug use content and mind-opening content on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Discord and who knows where else. Even if parents ban/forbid their kids from having social media accounts or reading certain books, they still have easy access in ways you would never imagine. Kids are pretty smart about getting their hands on stuff their parents don't want them to have. 

True story: When I was 12 or 13, I babysat for a couple who lived a few townhouses away from me. It took me two minutes to walk from my house to theirs. They had tons of books on their book shelves. Guess which one I zeroed in on after I put their kid to bed? The Joy of Sex. I thumbed through those illustrated pages and read Q&As while my dad sat just two minutes away watching TV. 

Another true story: My best girlfriends and I learned about love and sex by reading Forever by Judy Blume (banned) and Judith Krantz novels (super steamy romance stories). Where did we get them? Older sisters and moms. Easy access. 

Parenting Must Shift From Protect to Prepare

Starting when they were in third grade, my peeps began busting through the door after school full of stories and questions about sex and drugs from information they gleaned from school friends. I was not prepared to start so many of our serious life conversations so early. But I had no control over what other people told them. So, I had to pivot from a parent who protected her kiddos to one who prepared them, staying as age appropriate as possible. I've always asked them to talk with me whenever their friends tell them something about sex, drugs, relationships — anything —  so I can either set the record straight or confirm and educate, as needed. I guess some parents are just too scared to have tough, uncomfortable, awkward and embarrassing conversations with their kids. In other words, parent their children. My peeps are 15 now. Do they come to me with every question? Probably not. But they still come to me enough to know that they trust me to be understanding and straight up with them.  

Books, videos, podcasts and TV shows  hold so much worthwhile knowledge about the world, life, other people, other perspectives. They can help kids process thoughts and feelings. The up side to having access to so much content can make people feel safe, seen, heard and understood. I pity the kids whose parents think that by destroying books that introduce ideas that are different from their own, or depict lifestyles they don't agree with will keep their kids safe. It won't. Denying kids age-appropriate access to books will stunt their minds, put them in danger when they go out into the world on their own, and force them to hide who they truly are. 

Sad, sad, sad sad sad.

Challenged Book Lists & Recently Banned Books

Looking for something to read? 

• Top 10 Most Challenged Book Lists. 
• Gender Queer: A Memoir 
• All Boys Aren't Blue 

Censorship Resources

• American Library Association
• NCTE Intellectual Freedom Center
• National Coalition Against Censorship

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing ... Keep It Real — and take a stand against censorship! Or, to put it more positive spin on it: Stand up for intellectual freedom!

My 2022 Focus Phrase: I Am Here

Some years, I set a one-word intention or a focus phrase for my year. I think for the past two years, it's been "Survive." I need to get back to adding some structure to life, plan some things for intentional focus. As part of that, I've chosen a focus phrase for 2022:  

I AM HERE

I am here for my family

I am here — worthy of my space in the world

I am here — worthy of being seen, heard and loved

Did you set a one-word intention or focus phrase for the year? I'd love to hear it. Please share it in the comments!

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing ... Keep It Real.

Adjusting Life's Lens

After nearly two years of stumbling through life, I gotta get back on track. I'm tired of the head spinning uncertainty. I've done everything I can to keep myself, my family and others safe. I'm tired of the chaos. Even though so many things are still out of control, I'm using 2022 to adjusti life's lens to put parts of my life in focus. 

When I want to really focus on something, I write it down. So, I decided to go with 22 in '22, a fun and challenging strategy that mixes creativity with big to-dos. I got the idea from Gretchen Rubin, one of my favorite authors.  

Below is my 22 for 2022 list (minus two ... I'm still contemplating a couple of ideas). 

1. Listen more. I want to put down my book/phone, or stop what I'm doing for the few minutes it takes for the people I love to share with me. I've gotten really bad about half-listening, asking questions and not waiting for the answer, of responding with, "OK" or "Uh-huh."

2. Catalog my mom's 45s. My mom passed away from cancer when I was five years old. She left behind a mini collection of mint condition 45 records. I've moved them with me I don't know how many times over the years, mostly for sentimental reasons. As I've gotten older, I realize they are a snapshot into the early life of a person I never got to know. They reflect her musical tastes when she was young and single — Elvis, Ray Charles, waltzes, orchestra music, operas, popular artists in the 50s. I've created a spreadsheet to catalog them. 

3. Create a cocktail notebook. I'm a pandemic bartender. Probably the slowest one in the universe, but I love learning the science behind mixing drinks and the different techniques used in crafting them. I have drink recipes earmarked in every issue of Imbibe magazine and I want them all in one place for easy access. Just gotta decide how to organize my notebook. By season? Base ingredient?  

4. Create a travel notebook. The list of places I want to see in this world is never ending. I clip magazine articles, bookmark websites and jot down names of interesting places.  Like the cocktails, I want them all in one place. 

5. Get our stucco project done. We contracted with someone in April 2021. Rainy weather and other obstacles have kept this from getting done. Fingers crossed!

6. Have the house painted. It's overdue but ... see No. 5.

7. Add some curb appeal. Our landscaping is a hot, scraggly mess, and I hate it. But, see Nos. 5 and 6.t has to wait until the house gets painted. 

8. Write at least one blog post a month. Stop laughing. I'm still trying to figure out how passionate I am about this blog!

9. Watch at least one movie a month. This is a hold over from 2020, where I wanted to go to the theater by myself once a month. I got January and February in. So, whether it's in the theater or streaming, I'm looking forward to seeing some great stuff!

10. Attend at least six City Council meetings. I've lived in our town for 10 years and have attended maybe two meetings. I'm curious about how things works. 

11. Plan a trip to Canada. We hope to travel later this year. 

12. Plan a dream trip to Bali. This was on my 2020 list. Maybe I'll get it done this year. 

13. Get the elm tree trimmed. Another house to-do. 

14. Create a plan to makeover the main bedroom. Just a refresh. 

15. Complete all 30 days of Rachel Cargle's #DoTheWork course. 

16. Watch at least one PBS show a month, other that Masterpiece Theatre because I do that anyway. 

17. Establish 10-minute Tuesdays. A sneaky effort to get the peeps to spend 10 minutes with me engaged in physical activity. Stop laughing. 

18. Improve the look of my hands.  I'm a nail biter, cuticle cutter, handwringer. I want to develop habits that make them and keep them pretty. As a first step, I bought a NAME OF HAND MASK and link. 

19. Eat at least two servings of fruits and two servings of vegetables most days. It's not the recommended daily serving, but it's achievable goal for me. Just want to be more mindful and create a habit. 

20. Learn how to create my own social medial graphics. Beyond photos. 

21. TBD

22. TBD

If you've set goals or have just been thinking about things you'd like to do/hope to do this year, I wish you the best! Please share! 

Looking for More?

18 in '18

2020 Goals: Why I Took a Step Back

My 2022 Focus Phrase: I Am Here

"My 22 for 2022" pdf (Gretchen Rubin download)

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing ... Keep It Real.