You know those women who swear that the nanosecond their kids arrived on the scene they forgot about their LBK (Life Before Kids)? Well, I'm not one of them. Almost four years after the peeps made their big debut, I can still remember my LBK. And I'm no longer ashamed to admit it. Nor am I ashamed to admit that some days I want my LBK back, if only for a nanosecond. It's strange ... my former real reality is now my ideal reality, and sometimes I just want to indulge myself in fantasies about the days gone by.
I've been thinking about my LBK quite a bit lately. The freedom. The sleep. The spur-of-the-moment fun. The way the world revolved around ME. Maybe it's because I'm halfway between 39 and 40, and I'm not handling that as well as I thought I would. Maybe it's because I've struggled a bit with this whole mommy thing the past month. Maybe it's because I don't feel a sense of purpose right now. And Mari without a sense of purpose is like ... well, I don't know what it's like, but it's not good.
So, I've been taking a few deep breaths, gulping a few stiff drinks, and listening to a few good friends who are smart enough to tell me that what I'm feeling is normal. In my head and in my heart, I know that these struggles will pass and I will realize I'm where I belong. I will once again find my place(s) in this world.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Most passport pictures are good likenesses, and it is time we faced it. ~Katharine Brush
I ran across that quote the other day and think it sums up ideal reality versus real reality nicely. It also gave me a chuckle, and I could use a few more of those these days. I have no idea who Katharine Brush is/was. Must Google her.
You know who else does a fantastic job analyzing ideal reality and real reality? Lisa Kogan. She's an O The Oprah Magazine columnist and an author. I just finished her book Someone Will Be With You Shortly. I laughed, sighed, and chuckled through the pages as Lisa wrote about her ideal realities colliding with her real realities. The interesting thing is that by the end of each chapter, after pontificating on her ideal realities, Lisa usually decides she prefers her real reality. And she states this in such a charming way.