You know those women who swear that the nanosecond their kids arrived on the scene they forgot about their LBK (Life Before Kids)? Well, I'm not one of them. Almost four years after the peeps made their big debut, I can still remember my LBK. And I'm no longer ashamed to admit it. Nor am I ashamed to admit that some days I want my LBK back, if only for a nanosecond. It's strange ... my former real reality is now my ideal reality, and sometimes I just want to indulge myself in fantasies about the days gone by.
I've been thinking about my LBK quite a bit lately. The freedom. The sleep. The spur-of-the-moment fun. The way the world revolved around ME. Maybe it's because I'm halfway between 39 and 40, and I'm not handling that as well as I thought I would. Maybe it's because I've struggled a bit with this whole mommy thing the past month. Maybe it's because I don't feel a sense of purpose right now. And Mari without a sense of purpose is like ... well, I don't know what it's like, but it's not good.
So, I've been taking a few deep breaths, gulping a few stiff drinks, and listening to a few good friends who are smart enough to tell me that what I'm feeling is normal. In my head and in my heart, I know that these struggles will pass and I will realize I'm where I belong. I will once again find my place(s) in this world.
I have got to start blogging more, so I can stay at the very top of your blog list. Do you think updating every few days would do it? I'm not that interesting, but I think of something. =)
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