Gardening With Children: Ideal Reality Vs. Real Reality

Like every other sick-of-winter person on the planet, when the seed catalogs start appearing in February, I start planning. I make detailed lists and charts and diagrams of everything from the seeds I want to buy to which plants will go where and why. I am all up in it. 

And then, I wait. And wait a bit more. Because spring doesn't really arrive here until May. Sometimes June. Last year, I planted my garden on May 2, when it was 80 degrees, and it snowed on May 3. And while I'm waiting, I revel in my Ideal Reality of family gardening. In this annual indulgence, I visualize a Norman Rockwell-esque day of garden planting with my peeps. Laughing, giggling, playing with earthworms, chatting excitedly about anything and everything. Tired and exhausted at the end of the day, we lounge around with Flavor-Ice (them) and beer (me). It's the quintessential "mother-and-child gardening together in true harmony" picture. 

Enter Real Reality. When I have a plan, especially one that includes lists and charts and diagrams, everyone who is not on board or who has no intention of following my directions, needs to steer clear. I am a big 'ol ball of OCD and anal retentiveness. The peeps just want to dig for buried treasure and dinosaur bones. They have no need for straight lines, organization or directions. And I have no patience. So ... about 15 minutes into our day of gardening, I am alone. And I am in heaven. La la la. 

While the kids and I might not make the best planting team, we harvest like beasts. As we tiptoe through the vines and narrow rows, peeking under leaves and snapping off veggies, we laugh, giggle, play with earthworms and chat excitedly about anything and everything. Yep, harvest time is rather Norman Rockwell-esque. 

On a related note, check out Amber Dusik's post on SheKnows. It's called Gardening With Young Children: What Could Go Wrong? Amber is the author of Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, and the writer and illustrator of the blog Illustrated With Crappy Pictures. And I am thankful for her every day because she reminds me I'm not alone. 

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing ... Keep it Real

No, Virginia, Not Everyone Deserves a Trophy

There's no way to avoid starting this post with a "When I was a kid ..." story, so here goes:

When I was a kid, people received awards/trophies/recognition/candy/fill in the blank because they EARNED them. Typically, they accomplished their feats through hard work, effort and determination. Sometimes luck played a factor. If you sucked, you got nothing. If you came in second, nice try. Sure, there were hurt feelings, but you got over it, moved on and  - hopefully - tried harder the next time. Failure was a part of life. I'm a kick-ass individual because of it.

Today, we reward kids for every stinkin' little thing they do. It drives me up the nut wall. When did simple praise and verbal recognition become not good enough? When did we decide that kids need tangible rewards just for doing the right thing or to avoid hurt feelings? When did society decide that occasional failure was a bad thing? Trying to console a distraught, angry or disappointed child is tough. It's heartbreaking. Watching your child fail is no picnic. But, it's necessary.

The other night my daughter left her gymnastics lesson in tears - again.  At just 7 years old, my sweet girl wants to be the best at everything she does. And like her mama, she thinks she should be perfect at everything she tries the very first time. I hugged her, consoled her and reminded her once again that it takes time and practice to get good at something. She can't comprehend that some of the girls have been taking gymnastics much longer than she has and that's why their skills are stronger.She truly works hard during the 1-1/2 hour lesson, and it's a serious practice session. I get worn out just watching them.

As she sat on my lap sobbing, she said, "I just want to be rewarded for all of my hard work. I work really hard and I get nothing."

That caught my attention. "What kind of a reward do you think you should get?" I prodded.

 "A piece of candy."

Nice. That's when I realized that we were headed down a life path that I don't want to take with my children.

And while I could blame this pervading mentality 100% on society, that wouldn't be fair. I'm guilty of giving tangible rewards when perhaps a hug and a "Job well done" would have sufficed. After this latest meltdown and my sweet girl's request for unwarranted recognition, I find myself more tuned in to how I handle similar situations and more aware of how I hand out praise and when.

What are your thoughts?

Thanks for reading! Wherever you are, whatever you're doing  ... Keep it Real.

A Gen Xer’s L.A.M.E. Attempt at Raising Digital Natives

Cable TV, Atari, landlines with twisty cords, call waiting. These things were high tech in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s, my formative childhood years. Computers in every home? Take your science fiction fantasy elsewhere, bub. Over time, as computer technology progressed I mastered word  processing, desktop computers and the Internet. And today, while I’m certainly not a digital whiz, I do ok with my various devices and apps. I got my digital savvy going on.

But Holy Mother of Electronics do things get a whole lot more complicated when lifesuckers kids enter picture! You see, I’m a Gen Xer raising two Digital Natives. My twin peeps turned 7 last month. They barely remember that we used to have a phone plugged into a wall jack.  Trying to describe to them a world in which smartphones, apps, touch screens and computers didn’t exist (“When I was your age …) really freaks them out. With three computers, four smartphones (long story), a SmartTV and a tablet in the house, my husband and I thought we were doing pretty well. Until our peeps started interacting with other peoples’ peeps. Our electronics can’t hold a fiber optic cable to what their friends own: tablets, iPhones, iPads, gaming systems. You name it, someone their age has it. Blows. My. Gen X-ing. Mind. Not to mention, I don’t have the guts to entrust my peeps unsupervised with devices that cost as much as a car payment.

The Gen Xer in me wants to scream, “Give them a book!” But the educated professional in me knows Digital Natives need to develop digital skills now so they are prepared to go out into the world and be productive members of society later (like in 11 years. 18 and gone, baby.)

On the other hand, I worry about allowing them too much screen time. And depending on which expert I listen to, using computer time as a reward is either totally acceptable or as damaging as sticking kids outside slathered with anything less than 100 SPF sunscreen.

Even if I wanted to put more restrictions on their screen time, I’m in a bind because pretty much everything they do at school is tied to a computer. As I type this, I’m looking at four different sheets of paper listing four different school-related online programs and their log ins (actually, multiple those numbers by 2). Additionally, our district is progressing toward the flipped classroom style of learning. Poof! The fine line between leisure and academic just imploded. Or was that my head?

We do have a system in place to (attempt) to keeps things under control. And truth be told, most of the games the peeps play encourage creativity, critical thinking, role playing, problem solving and development of social etiquette skills. (I can justify pretty much anything). Some of their favorites are Animal Jam and Minecraft. With my husband, they play NetHack. And I found this article, 3 Things Parents Should Know About Video Games and Kids by Jordan Shapiro. It really helped me get a grip and eased my angst about the peeps and technology.  

And, I created this little acronym to help me out. Perhaps you will find it useful, too. It’s L.A.M.E.

Learn: Stay on top of what my kids are doing online. Spend time with them while they are on the computer, and educate myself about the positives and negatives of technology.

Accept: Times are a’changin.’ We will never again know a world without high tech technology, so deal.

Manage: I am the parent. It’s my job to help the peeps make good choices and manage their time both online and offline.

Embrace: The online world is full of possibilities, explorations and adventures!

By the way, as I was typing this, my husband walked by. He’s the Director of IT at his company. He said that the pressure of managing our systems at home was way more stressful that at his job.

How about you? If you are a Gen Xer in a Digital Native’s world, I’d love to hear how you are transition to all technology, all the time.

Wherever your are, what ever you’re doing … Keep It Real.

High Road Vs. Low Road: What's the Diff? It's Just a Road

Photo courtesy of Stuart Miles @ www.freedigitalphotos.net

 
Some of my most memorable parenting moments happen when I’m simultaneously horrified and proud of something that a peep said, did or didn’t do. Here's one of those moments:

On a recent trip to the grocery store, I had the peeps in tow. Normally, I have the luxury of shopping alone, but this day I had no choice. I was dreading the stop because I had a humongo grocery list. Here’s the equation:  

Humongo Shopping List + two 6-year-old peeps = THAT mom.

(Someone please tell me you know what I’m talking about. Lie if you have to.)

 On the drive to the store, I gave myself a mental pep talk that went something like this: “Suck it up. You are spoiled. People shop with their kids every day and handle it just fine. So can you. Let’s do this. You will not die. No one has ever died from taking their kids to the grocery store.”  

As we strolled (aka speed walked) through the aisles, things were going surprisingly well. We had our groove on, everyone was making a conscious decision to be pleasant, and I think we might have even cracked some jokes. (Those free cookies in the bakery are a godsend!)

We made it all the way to the milk aisle. I glanced away for a millisecond to peruse my choices. A millisecond was all it took.

Ruthie: “Audrey just hit me for no reason” (Man! They are SO fast! How do they do that?)

Me: Audrey, did you hit your sister?

Audrey: Yes.

Me: Why? (Why do I even ask that question? What answer do I expect to get? )

Audrey: I don’t know. (DUH)

I praised Ruthie for taking the high road and not slugging her sister back. When I asked if they knew what “taking the high road” meant, they both said yes and proceeded to tell me. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to launch into my “high road vs. low road” speech. You know the one. It’s the lecture that imparts the life lesson about always striving for the high road, despite what comes our way.

Satisfied with myself, we continued shopping. And then I heard …

“I took the low road and I don’t care because it’s just a road.”

 See? Horrified with a touch of pride. Because the kid's gotta point.

 I can't be the only parent who gets this odd feeling of accomplishment from time to time. Please share yours.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing … Keep It Real.