A Draft From 4.26.20 Early Pandemic

I don't know how many times I've sat down over the past year-plus to write about the pandemic. Plenty. But the words, my thoughts, my feelings were so jumbled and confused it seemed pointless. I came across a draft I saved of a blog post from April 2020. I left it unfinished. Here it is. Typos and all.

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing ... Keep It Real.

April 26, 2020

I don't know about you, but it has taken me several weeks to find my new normal. In the early weeks, all the changes and scary news and sad news was so overwhelming. I didn't know what to think or feel or do. I'm just now starting to feel like I'm settling in and wrapping my head around this pandemic and it's long-reaching effect on life.

That said, I still have unexpected highs and lows. Some mornings, I wake up full of hope and motivation and positivity. Others, I swing the other direction. I can't focus, engage in full on procrastination and lose my comprehension skills. Sometimes, I'm just unexplainably grumpy. I've had vibrant, strange dreams and nights when I wake up and can't get back to sleep. I've read that both of those behaviors are normal and my brain trying to process in a time of uncertainly (that's the commercial buzzword).

My saving grace has been my penchant for structure and routine. I find such comfort in consistency, and at least in this situation it's something I have some control over. Every morning, I workout, shower and get dressed, even dabbing on a little make up. I worked with the peeps to create a routine for their day, too. They days aren't perfect, but have some structures help.

There are silver linings. I have time to eat breakfast, and often lunch, with the girls. I relax more. I watch TV with the girls. I created Roblox (UndercoverKaryn) and TikTok (Karen7.0) accounts so we can play and laugh even more together. I'm baking more. My stomach isn't upset nearly as much as it was when I was going into the office. Not saying there's a connection, but definitely something I noticed. And you know what? I'm not doing those things during the day. I'm working my tail off during the day. I'm doing them at night and on the weekends with the same amount of time I've always had. Huh. Weird, right?

The time I spend scrolling mindlessly through social media as increased while the time I spend reading has decreased. Not proud of it, could easily change it, but right now, many days, I just need mindless.

I created a coronavirus journal in Google Docs. I don't make an entry every day (because sometimes there's nothing to report), but most days. It's not about my thoughts and feelings; just a log of what I did that day. I also started written journals for the peeps. It goes by weeks, and I start each entry with, "I loved it when you ...:, and I jot down different things I notice that they say or do during the week.